are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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