listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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