so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
