god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She said her name was "party"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
