I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
