The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize