A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
