I think im going to throw up on grandma
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
