This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
