I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
