then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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