I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
