If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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