Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
