I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
