And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
