Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
