a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
