I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
