Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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