I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
