May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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