she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
