New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
