overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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