You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
