It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's blow job season.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
