And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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