i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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