I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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