he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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