i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
