Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
