I got chris browned last night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize