someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
