I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
