I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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