found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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