shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
