I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
