My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
