I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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