i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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