I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize