Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
