Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
