5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
