dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sober January is a disaster.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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