She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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