ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
