My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
worst night to have a conscience
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
