This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
