I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
