Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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