5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
