if only i could text you this smell
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So apparently I’m into choking now
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