I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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