You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
