I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
