I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
