He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
