I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
