wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
