so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
