I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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