this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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