I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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