All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
