U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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