i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize