Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He felt like a one man threesome
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
