i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
