yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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