whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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