ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
love makes seman taste better
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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