the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
